woeee.

seethefucksidontgive:

My boyfriend is way taller than me so he likes to do this thing where he looks over my head and go “Where did she go?  She disappeared…”

He’s lucky I like his private bits because being shorter means it’d be easier for me to hit them.

(via seethefucksidontgive-deactivate)

When your period finally ends

lukesgiggletho:

realityexistsinmymind:

stereofeathers:

whatismgmt:

Do u ever wanna punch urself in the face for procrastinating and ruining ur life

yeah but I never get around to it

idk if this is funny or sad

(via yourpizzaqueen)

lizardvvizard:

sabrielshipping-charliebartlett:

“We’re preparing you for the real world”

I don’t meant to alarm you but

the real world has calculators

and dictionaries

and google

increasingly the world has these things in our pocket, no less

(via yourpizzaqueen)

shrimpfur:

Once you start dating someone its like, impossible to insult them

“suck my dick” ok

“bite me” hell yeah

“kiss my ass” sure

(via thefuuuucomics)

blacksquares:

for my entire life i wondered why a dragonfly has an ass thats like 8 times as long as their body and tonight i finally felt compelled to investigate and as it turns out dragonflies breath thru their ass and can shoot water out of their butt hole to make them fly faster…….so…… i really did not expect that to be the answer but there it is

(via creepersgonnacreep)

the-super-scout:

helioscentrifuge:

runtime-err0r:

itsvondell:

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

I looked it up b/c that was a very familiar idiom and how could it be wrong but then

yeah wow that’s spot on perfect

my catchphrase

(via asarlaithe)

flatulenceontoast:

(via creepersgonnacreep)

efaj:

caliliope:

bitchyteen:

everyone has that one bra that makes everything okay

even the boys?

We have that one brah that makes everything okay

(via thefuuuucomics)